I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
