I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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