Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
