"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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