Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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