My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
