my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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