in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
