she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Randomize
