It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Randomize
