he looks like a really good dad on facebook
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
