you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
