tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
