Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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