I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
