Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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