Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Randomize