What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
