Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
