The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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