i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize