You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
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