If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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