I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Randomize