i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Randomize