Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
