New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
