I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
