ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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