just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Randomize
