ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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