I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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