I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
