My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
