I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Randomize