I want to have your abortion
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
