dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
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