I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
