I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
