brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Randomize
