Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
