The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
