Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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