Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
