Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
