So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
