Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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