My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
