Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
