i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
