Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize