For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize