I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
