We're like a lot better than the average bears
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
