I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
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