My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
