How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Randomize
