i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
