I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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