How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
