I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Randomize
