Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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