No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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