The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
