Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
