i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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