Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
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