Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
