I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
